satans-fabulous-blog: morphingly: brightredkettle: are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
When my battery is low :
sodamnrelatable: A Low battery warning: Critical battery Warning:
yo what the hell is this, how come i don’t get paid $21 an hour
jewbeard: i tried to grab fog but i mist
I always put stuff in a safe place, so i won't...
laugh-addict: but then i always forget where my safe place is…….
officialdogblog: you is kind, you is smart, you is important,
trillow: “i need to get something off my chest” yeah it’s your shirt let me help you with that
I stop typing because you are typing, then you...
When someone copies your work and gets a higher...
pizza: *gets homework out of bag* i think that’s enough homework for one day
tvspecial: my IQ test results were negative
mountincest: lovemetoinfinity: fatdough: rewind-and-restart: mountincest: school doesnt even test your intelligence it tests your memory it tests my patience it tests my ability to hold my pee it tests my ability to keep calm and not slap a bitch whoa
Walking with an umbrella in the rain
sodamnrelatable: Expectation Reality
Argument I heard on the bus
Guy 1: no, niggah, gay bros can raise babies. Look at that warthog motherfucker and that ferret thing that raised Simba. And that niggah became king of motherfucking Africa.
taco bell employee: how are you today?
me: crunchwrap supreme
“this project will be done in groups of —”
cancune: if a guy stares at ur boobs just stare at his dick maybe squint a little bit
me: ew the ice cream is melting
my friend: quick put it close to your heart to keep it cold
la-vita-di-classe: Ugh couples Where can I order a boyfriend